Struggling and being honest about it…

As Christian’s we see so many putting on facades and masks. Pretending that all is well in their world while struggling in silence and behind closed doors…alone.
I for one am tired of wearing the masks. I’m tired of pretending that I am more than human. I’m tired of painting on a smile when deep down the pain and hurt are real and it takes the very breath out of me.
How can we heal if we continue to “Fake It Until We Make It?”
I am a believer in Christ. I am a Christ follower. I struggle in my faith and in my walk. What does this mean? Does it mean because I struggle that it makes me any less of a Christian or any less saved? I don’t believe that to be the case.
If we look at Scripture, we can see that Moses struggled in his faith, Peter struggled in his faith, Job struggled, David, and many more. It didn’t make them any less Christian, but it did make them real and people that we could relate to.
Sadness, grief, loneliness, depression, they are all oh so real, and I for one am no longer willing to Fake it until I make it! It’s a nice little slogan, but it’s the very thing that can cause someone to commit suicide while they struggle in silence alone.

Hi, my name is Tasha and I am struggling. I Love the Lord, but I am struggling with reading His Word and praying. Sometimes the only thing that comes forth from my lips is “Jesus”. Sometimes I can’t say anything at all and the tears hold all of my words.

I’m struggling with depression. Depression over the loss of my marriage, depression that I am in a state I don’t want to be in and the lack of funds and job security to get to where I want to be. Depression that my son, my only son, just spent his first Thanksgiving alone, not by his choice, but by the choices I made.

I’m struggling with anger. Anger that I have no control over circumstances at times. Anger towards God for not changing things the way I think they should go. Anger that even when He sees us making the mistakes and knows we are willingly falling into pitfalls, He does not steer us out or away from them.

There are days I don’t wish to get out of bed. Days when it takes everything within me to even brush my teeth. There are days when my emotional eating doesn’t stop or days when I don’t eat at all.

I am human. It doesn’t change my standing with God. I am still saved and still a Christian. Even in taking off the masks, I know that God is still God and in control. He is the Master Painter of the masterpiece portrait of my life. He said in this world we would have troubles. Christianity does not negate the fact that we are a fallen people residing in a fallen world. Even when I’m struggling with depression, don’t want to do life, or can’t bring myself to utter a prayer or read His truths, He is still God, He is still good, and He is still for me. His best for me is still THE best for me. No matter what I want, I still don’t see as BIG as He sees for me. My desires, wants, dreams, hopes, are still small and in a box, compared to what He has in mind for me.

Author: tasha

An East Coast transplant, born in Germany and a visitor of many states (I was an army brat...). My greatest passion is all things pertaining to Jesus Christ, My secondary loves are my adult children and my grandson. My passions are the things God has gifted me with to show His creativity through my hands and life; all things sewing, quilting, gardening, and traveling. Join me for the journey as I share God through my daily life and walk...

2 thoughts on “Struggling and being honest about it…”

  1. Covering you in prayer and trusting in Gods timing He will everything into alignment with His purpose for your life. I understand this place and it is does not feel good. Yet we know as His child He will not leave us there.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *