On Thursday, May 9th, the CT Scan showed all clear. On Friday, May 10th, the MRI showed TIA also referred to as a mini-stroke. The ultrasound on my legs showed no blood clots and the ultrasound on the front of my heart showed a PFO (a small hole). Instead of leaving Friday, I would be staying on until Monday for another test that would show the back of my heart. This would require me to be put to sleep but not under sedation. I was dead set against this test as thoughts of my mother being put to sleep for surgery and never waking up again came rushing to the forefront of my mind. I would not go through with it and yet I knew I had to. If I wanted the whole truth of what was going on with my body, I would have to get all the details and the only way to do that would be to have the test.
Fear is deadly, it grips you in every way you can imagine. It holds you hostage and that fear had me bound as I lay in that hospital bed. I’d doze off and a panic attack would set in. So I would determine not to sleep. I was afraid that at any given moment, another stroke would happen and it would be far worse. I feared that the exact scenario that happened to my mom would happen to me and I lay there and cried.
Saturday came and went . My blood pressure was still not elevated to what is considered high and as the Doctors spoke to me, a picture began to emerge. They don’t feel the stroke was blood pressure related, but stress. My cholesterol is high and yet they never said I have cardiovascular disease. At any rate, I immediately knew what happened and how I contributed to this happening to my body.
Sunday, Mothers Day 2019…I’m in the hospital and I’m ok with that. I would have loved to have been home with my grandson and family, but I was finally calming down a bit and dealing with what was to come on Monday. That is until my baby sister walked into my hospital room. I cried like a baby because now I knew I was not alone, nor were my children. She would ask the questions I couldn’t remember to and explain to the kids what was going on and finally she would just be the extra support we all needed. I saw the same fear in my daughter’s eyes that my mother saw in mine and my sister brought a bit of peace along with her.
We laughed, they ate, we talked, we laughed some more and on Monday, I went for the test and then we had even more answers into what happened and why.